With Pain We Grow
by elegance-is-not-required
Summary: Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. ONESHOT. Eli/Julia


"What is wrong with you! Is your head so far up your ass you can't even see when your girlfriend needs you! You are a selfish, insensitive, jackass!" Julia screamed at me. Her eyes were bloodshot from the many tears that she had shed. She shook with anger as I sat in the corner, stone faced. Who knows how fucking long we'd been like this. Something wasn't right here, it's not supposed to be like this. A relationship shouldn't be held together by small moments of joy followed by hours of endless anger and frustration. I never saw my parents do this, they talked everything out, not screamed at one another and exchange harsh words.

"Eli! Are you even listening to me! Oh that's right because you're a fucking idiot! You never listen to me when I talk to you! God, you're an asshole!" I clenched my fists, suppressing my anger as I listened to her rant. There was only so much I could take. Every time we fought she pushed me to the edge making me more angry each time. Losing control of my emotions, I jumped from my seat screaming right back at her.

"Don't you dare call me selfish! I gave up _everything_ for you! I lost my privacy by letting you move in and also my friends so you could feel comfortable! So don't pull that bullshit on me!" I screamed at her, still keeping my distance. I needed to get this out, she doesn't get it and I needed to get this through her fucking head. She never appreciated one single thing I did for her.

"Go fuck yourself Eli!"

"Don't mind if I do! That's what I've been doing for the past 2 months while you sucked off some random guy! Or did you forget all about that?" I screamed at her. Her face dropped as her chin quivered. I slapped her in the face with some hard truth. She can throw all this bullshit at me, then I can surely throw it right back at her.

"I only did that because-"

"Because what Julia? What the fuck would posses you to do that!"

"I don't know, okay! I just did it! I wasn't thinking! I made one mistake and you'll hold it against me for the rest of my damn life!" I rolled my eyes at her poor excuse. That one mistake caused such a rift in our relationship that we're still obviously having issues about it. Because of her "mistake" we didn't talk for 3 weeks. Well she tried but I ignored her, brushing her off not wanting anything to do with her. She considered it to be nothing and that's what pissed me off the most. I felt as though our relationship meant nothing to her.

"Maybe I will!" I screamed at her as tears of my own cascaded down my face, blurring my vision. Julia stared me, seemingly speechless yet not showing it. We stared each other down, waiting for the first one to crack and say something to get a new round of yelling started.

"I hate you." She seethed through her teeth. I felt my world come crashing down around me and a knife plunging into my heart at such a speed it knocked me flat on my ass. We had never once told each other that, sure we had said some other nasty things but nothing like this. All of the other things we have said to each other were said out of anger and easily taken back but this came from the heart. It had some true meaning to it. That's what hurt the most. I could have been childish and returned her words but I chose not to, because that's not how I really felt. I was just mad at her but I certainly didn't hate her.

The sound of the front door opening and soft footsteps broke our harsh eye contact with one another. I looked towards the door seeing my parents. Bullfrog seemed confused as to what was going on yet Cece seemed to understand almost as if she could feel the unsettlingly atmosphere produced by our anger.

"I-I can't do this anymore, I need to leave." Julia said pushing roughly past my parents as her tears had started up again. I rolled my eyes collapsing on the couch as I heard my parents talking behind me. I ignored their whispering, resting back against the couch closing my eyes as my mind replayed our whole fight. Hearing her words slap me in the face again with such force made my chest tighten with pain and anger.

"Baby boy?" My mother's soothing voice filled my ears as the spot next to me became occupied by her warm body, comforting me in a way. Her arm wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me towards her. I gave into her loving embrace as she rocked me back and forth, cooing me into a calm state.

"You wanna tell me what the fight was about?" I shook my head like a child, smirking at my own behavior. I pulled back from my mom as she brushed some hair from face.

"Well why don't you go to bed, Julia will come back in the morning like she always does." Cece paused for a moment. "And maybe this time you two can talk about her moving out? This is the 4th time that this has happened, I don't like seeing you upset like this. Obviously this arraignment isn't working out." I shook my head, not wanting to think about Julia leaving and returning to her step-mom and dad. I didn't want her to suffer like she did before. But maybe my mom does have a point. I'm miserable with her living here, I can't stand it. I want my life and privacy back. And maybe this could be beneficial to our relationship.

"No, it's fine. We're just going through something. Besides our fights aren't that bad.." I whispered, trying to convince her and myself.

"Eli, these are more than just fights. They're destroying you both. I-I don't want to see you suffer like this." Her voice cracked slightly, I looked into her fragile eyes seeing the pain and hurt they contained.

"I can't let her go back there mommy. I just can't." I squeaked out as I began to cry, stuffing my face into my mom's neck as she held onto me.

"I know baby boy, I know. I don't want that either but we can find her a better place to go." I gripped onto my mom's shirt, as I closed my eyes taking in her words.

"You think so?" I whispered.

"It can happen. She has her aunt and uncle in Newmarket, but if you two decide you want to make this work than we can find her a place to live here. They have group homes for kids in her situation." She gently pulled my head from neck and slowly wiped my tears away.

"And if she does go to a group home she'll be safe." She nodded, silently reassuring me.

"Okay." I whispered.

"It'll be okay baby boy I promise. Things will get better after this. Now why don't you go to bed."

" I-uh, I think I'll go find her right now, I mean she couldn't have gone far. I'll talk to her now and maybe we can figure something out." Cece smiled a little as she rubbed my back.

"Good luck baby boy." I stood up from my seat from the couch I headed towards the door in search of Julia. I walked onto my front lawn noticing her bike was gone, knowing that she was most likely at the park. Usually after our explosive fights she would stay the night at the park.

Red flashing lights passed me by as I saw a few people gathered by a police car and an ambulance just outside the park. I walked towards the small group, peeking around slightly until I spotted a bike; Julia's bike. Fear coursed through me as I pushed past a few people and what I assumed was a paramedic. I could see a small pool of blood. I pushed even further past some people and there she was. At that moment I wished I was her, taking her tragic fate and making it my own. She could be where I was, staring down at my lifeless corpse.

I stayed at the sight of the accident until they carried her away. I was offered a ride home by a few cops, but simply replied with a shake of my head as the number of people soon dwindled down to nothing. I eventually took my time getting back home, not returning until the sun rose. Cece and Bullfrog had found out through the news while they were staying up, waiting for me to return. I didn't say much to them when I made it home, I stayed locked up in my room for the rest of the week. School was hell once I returned hearing the rumors that had started about what had happened. Some people suspected I was to blame due to my black attire and "emo" like behavior. I ignored the stares and hushed whispers, making it from class to class waiting for each day to end.

I didn't attend her funeral, not being able to find the courage to go; Seeing her dead was our goodbye to each other. Just seeing her lying stiff in a coffin is just unthinkable, it would make all of this too real. Watching as everyone cried over her photos and cherished memories with her would send me down a path of pure darkness. For some reason seeing her dead was sort of a relief to me, everything was real, not manufactured to look presentable; _she _was real.

The first day I cried over Julia was about a month after everything, when summer was starting. She loved summer, it was her favorite season. She loved the soft breeze of the summer air as the sweet smell of flowers circled around us. Before she died we had planned on taking off and spending our days on the road, just living life. I did exactly that even if she wasn't by my side. I traveled to every spot she had ever wanted to go to and around Toronto. It took me all summer but it was worth it.

When I entered my junior year, just barely squeaking by in my sophomore year, my parents thought they had the old Eli back. They assumed I was handling everything, her death, and my new girlfriend perfectly, finding a balance with both and coping with everything. They truly thought I was back but, I wasn't. I was hiding all of my problems. I developed this irrational fear of throwing my belongings away, otherwise known as hoarding. I was lucky enough to have Clare by my side and helping me through it. Our relationship was perfect, not being able to find one fault in it. We even confessed our love for each other. I felt on top of the world, being able to find someone that accepted me for who I was and for my past. But later on things came crashing down around me when Julia's anniversary came around. It put a glitch in our relationship, one that I magnified by my reckless behavior. I lost two loves that day.

Later on into that year I realized that I truly did have a problem. After months of therapy I was able to build my life back up. I learned how to deal with my issues and learn from my mistakes, which is the only way I can move forward and live my life.

"Daddy?" A small voice said beside me. I turned my head away from the gravestone to look down at my daughter, Julia. Her dark hair glistened in the summer sun as the wind carefully blew her hair, framing her delicate face. Her big blue eyes stared at me, squinting slightly in curiosity.

"Yes?" I said with a small smirk, bending down and picking her up, holding her in my arms. She rested her head against my shoulder as she stared down at the gravestone.

"How's Julia, daddy?" My heart swelled at her words. Even though she was only 5 years old she understood so much. She hadn't known about Julia for long, only finding out last year when I caught her playing around in my drawer where I kept a photo of Julia.

"She's doing okay. Where's mommy?" Julia moved her head and pointed behind us. I turned around and saw my beautiful wife, Clare, walking towards us with a small flower in her hand.

"Daddy, can I put the flower on Julia's grave?" she mumbled into my shirt.

"Of course you can sweetie." Clare came up to the both of us, flashing me her gracious smile that made me weak, yet gave me the strength to continue on.

"Mommy! Daddy said I can put the flower on her grave! Do you think Julia would be happy?" I smirked waiting for my wife to answer.

"I think she would love that sweetheart." I carefully dropped Julia to the ground and watched as she walked towards Clare gently taking the flower from her hands and walking towards the grave. I studied her small movements as she sat on her knees, holding the flower to her heart.

"Hi Julia, my name's Julia too." She giggled slightly. Her small hand came up and began to trace the letters on the gravestone as she continued on.

"My daddy told me about you. You were really pretty." Julia dropped her hand into her lap as she bit her lip.

"Here's a flower I helped my mommy pick it out for you. I hope you like it." She whispered placing the flower gently on the ground. She stood up, dusting off the grass and dirt from her small legs and stepped towards the gravestone hugging it, whispering something that I couldn't quiet make out. My eyes filled with tears as I watched my daughter. Clare must have noticed my reaction to this sweet little moment, by intertwining her hands with mine. I sighed as she rested her body against mine..

Julia released the gravestone, walking towards us. I dropped down to her level, pulling her body into mine.

"That was beautiful baby girl." I said kissing the top of her head.

"I hope she's happy daddy." I nodded my head, pulling back from my daughter holding her face in my hands, rubbing her cheek with my thumb.

"She is Julia. She's so happy." I kissed her forehead, standing up bringing her up with me. I smiled pulling Clare towards me as we walked towards our car leaving the graveyard.

"Goodbye Julia! We'll see you soon!" Julia said as she looked between the both of us smiling.

"Alright big girl, it's time to go home, let's get you in the car. " I said dropping her to her feet as Clare unlocked the car allowing Julia to climb in. I looked up at my wife from across the car, knowing how lucky I feel to have her in my life. She's one of the most important people in my life, I don't know where I'd be without her. I climbed into the car as Clare started the engine and drove off. I stared into the rear view mirror that was perfectly positioned to see my daughter in the back, thoughtfully staring out the window. I followed her and stared out the window catching the last glimpse of the graveyard smiling to myself as we drove out of sight.

It won't be long before I see Julia again and it won't be long before I thank her for everything she had unknowingly done for me. Although her death was tragedy I had been able to learn from this experience. I learned what love truly is, what caring for another person means. I know that life is short and can abruptly end, but I try to make sure that the one's I love know they are truly loved. This whole experience is a life lesson, one that I will cherish for the rest of my life and hopefully pass onto my daughter.

_"Thank you Julia"_

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**So yeah. I hope you liked it. **

**Reviews mean a lot :3**


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